


Hurts Like Hell

by witchlings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Reader-Insert, there's just a lot of love for sirius okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 16:12:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16916106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchlings/pseuds/witchlings
Summary: You've been avoiding Sirius. But this is a tiny ass apartment, and he's determined to talk.





	Hurts Like Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Throwing this to the AO3 winds in the event that tumblr dies (@padfootink, though I hardly post anymore oops).

“You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

You barely register the voice coming from above you. It takes several heartbeats before you finally turn your face upwards, staring bleakly from your spot at the kitchen table. James peers at you over the rim of his glasses, concern etched across his face. Your fingers dance around the rim of the coffee mug in front of you and a smile that never reaches your eyes graces your lips, “that easy to notice, huh?” James slides into the chair across from you, the frown adorning his face only growing deeper.

“It’s because of him, isn’t it?”

“I really must be an open book, since everyone can read me so damn easy.” James chokes back a surprised laugh and a real smile teases your features before it reverts back to the pitiful look you had before. He slides a hand across the table, brushing your fingers in what’s supposed to be a comforting gesture but somehow makes you feel worse because _fuck,_ _you must look so pathetic right now_. You pull your hand away before brushing your tangled hair away from your face, a sigh escaping your lips.

“Everyone except for Sirius, huh?”

“Yeah, well, he always has been sort of dense, hasn’t he?” The two of you share a laugh, and you almost miss the sound of the front door closing and the footsteps approaching the kitchen. _Almost_. You can’t help yourself as your eyes are immediately drawn towards him as he saunters through the kitchen door.

“What sort of party have you lot got going on in here?” Sirius questions, his back to the two of you as he goes through the fridge. Any semblance of a good mood you might have had is ripped straight from you as you take in his disheveled appearance. You can feel James watching you as you lift the mug up to your mouth, sipping what can barely be constituted as lukewarm coffee. Sirius shifts on his feet, spinning around to face you. The silence is tense as he moves to sit at the table, a bottle of water and an apple in his hands.

“Did I interrupt something?” He asks, looking between you and James. James opens his mouth to answer but you beat him to it. “No, nothing. Just talking about our nights. Looks like you had a busy one, aye?” Sirius pauses, trying to read your face. He leans back into his seat, unscrewing the cap of his bottle and taking a swig. “Yeah, I guess. Had kind of a shitty night.”

You let out a scoff, standing and walking towards the sink. You dump out the cold coffee out and rinse the mug before placing it with the rest of the scattered dishes. You idly try and recall who’s turn it is to clean the kitchen, but it escapes you. You smile stiffly at the two boys watching you, “later, James.” Throwing out a weak wave, you all but run from the room and less than a minute passes before they hear the sound of a door slamming shut.

Sirius turns to look at his best friend. He takes a bite from the apple and sighs, “what’s her deal?” James stares at him in astonishment before shaking his head and frowning. “Sirius are you fucking kidding me?” Sirius frowns, throwing his hands up defensively, “ _what_?”

James shakes his head once more before standing to leave, “have you considered just asking Y/N? It’s pretty obvious what’s going on here to everyone in this damn apartment except for you.” With that, James turns on his heel and walks off to the room he shares with Lily, leaving Sirius alone and confused.

 

It feels like several hours have passed before you hear a faint knocking at your door. “Y/N, love, you in there?” You curl further into yourself underneath the covers, ignoring the boy at your door. The doorknob jiggles before you hear it creaking open and curse yourself for forgetting to lock the stupid thing. Remus peaks into the darkness, spying your figure buried under a heap of blankets. The wooden floor creaks underneath his feet as he moves to join you on the bed.

“It’s almost ten, you need to eat something,” he says gently, leaning over your frame. You grumble something unintelligible and attempt to bury yourself deeper in the comforter. Remus continues to sit with you in silence, rubbing soothing circles over your back. It’s a nice feeling, even if it’s separated by at least four different blankets.

There’s another knock at the door, and you feel Remus shift beside you to look at the new visitor. He stands, and you miss the warmth he provided moments prior. “I’ll leave you two alone to sort through it, I suppose.” You feel your stomach sink and miss his company slightly less. If you were feeling anything like yourself at the moment, you’d curse the bastard for leaving you to rot with the person whose company you wanted for least given the current state of things.

The door clicks shut with finality and the two of you let the silence fill the room again. “Is there a reason you’ve been avoiding me for the past week and a half? Did I do something?” Sirius’ voice cracks and you feel your heart clench. Slowly, you push yourself upright, although you refuse to look him in the eye. He moves to the foot of the bed and lowers himself onto the edge of the mattress. “Talk to me, dove,” Sirius whispers, “please.”

The breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding escapes you. “It – it’s not _you_ , it’s just–" you break off, sighing angrily. You stare at your hands, picking at your fingernails. “I dunno when it happened, Siri. Really.” It’s his turn to sigh, and you look up just as he runs a hand through his hair.

“You don’t know when _what_ happened, Y/N?”

You fist your hands into the duvet, “I don’t know when it started to fucking hurt to see you with someone else.” A warm droplet lands on your hand and startles you. _When did you start crying?_ “I don’t get it, if you wanted to hang out more you should’ve just said–“

“ _No, Sirius!_ ” You hurl yourself off the bed, putting a few steps between the two of you. It feels like miles. “You really are a daft git, aren’t you?” Sirius stares at you in stunned silence. You shove the heels of your hands into your eyes hard enough to see stars and tilt your face upwards. “It hurts so bad, y’know? I didn’t ask to be in love with you, and every time I see you getting with some girl I can’t even blame her because, _fuck_ , look at you. You’re Sirius fucking Black and everyone either wants to be you or be with you,” you can feel the tears falling harder, and your chest tightens painfully. “And it just fucking sucks knowing that you’ll never look at me the way I look at you. Happy? Want me to go on? I’ve got loads of material for the pity party I’ve been throwing myself.”

You can’t bring yourself to look at him, so you keep your gaze locked to your feet, vision blurred with tears. The bed creaks as Sirius shifts his weight to stand before walking towards you. Seconds tick past that are followed with nothing but an anxious silence. Gently, his fingers ease your chin upwards before Sirius runs his thumbs under your eyes, sweeping tears away. “Look at me,” he murmurs, holding your chin in place. Slowly you raise your eyes to meet his own stormy ones.

“You’ve fucking ruined me, you know that right?” He catches you off-guard but continues before you have the chance to question what he means. “I’ve spent this entire time trying to find ways to get you off my mind. But no matter what, it always comes back to _you_ , and your stupidly cute face and the way you put all your heart into the people around you,” he pauses, “even someone who doesn’t deserve it. Like me.”

Your mind reels, trying to sort through this new information. “But I thought – last night you were–“

“I was what, Y/N? I spent the night at Frank and Alice’s, trying to come up with some way to tell you how I feel.”

Your stomach twists itself into a knot, doubt creeping in. He couldn’t have feelings for you. But then, why would he lie about something like that? Sirius takes one of your hands with his, threading your fingers together. “I really do love you, you know.”

A dumbfounded bark of laughter rips itself from your throat and you sniffle. “I love you too, you idiot.” Sirius smirks down at you, leaning in until the tips of your noses brush against the other’s. “Oh, I’m the idiot, aye? If I recall correctly, you’re the one who assumed your feelings weren’t mutual.”

“So did you!”

Sirius chuckles softly, “so maybe we’re both idiots.” Before you can retort, he delicately places his lips against yours, as if you would shatter if he pressed down any harder. You swallow your surprise and press your mouth against his fervently. Slowly, you pull apart to catch your breath and he grins at you. “You taste like salty snot.” You shove him away, giggling as you move to wipe your sleeves against your face. “Hey! I was pouring what I thought were my unrequited feelings out to you like five minutes ago! It’s not like I had a chance to clean up any before you started sucking face.”

Sirius rolls his eyes but pulls you closer. You smile up at him before resting your head against his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. You finally wrestle yourself out of his arms and crawl back into your bed. When you get comfortable you face him again only to see his bewildered expression. “What? Crying for hours is exhausting and I need my beauty rest,” you throw the blankets open and gesture towards the empty space beside you. “You gonna join me or what?”

Sirius stands there, dumbfounded, before grinning and sliding under the covers next to you. He pulls you half on top of his chest, shifting around until the two of you are comfortable. You close your eyes, feeling sleep pull at you almost immediately. “G’night, darling,” Sirius mumbles into your hair. A faint smile works itself onto your lips.

“Sleep tight, loverboy.”


End file.
